So recently I got a couple of strange text messages. Here is the first one which I will share with you today. I have censored out their identities because I don’t want anything to happen to them. Anyway, let’s roll!
This is from an unknown number, which makes it all very strange. So Jesus is like this charming magnet which attracts everything to him so that we focus only on him. My question is, what kind of magnet is Jesus? Well since they mentioned beauty in there, is Jesus like some sex magnet? There’s ‘chick magnet’, but then there’s ‘Jesus magnet’, which has the power to attract EVERYTHING to him. Great power indeed.
Terrible jokes aside, I think I know who sent me this message, but I don’t want to respond because then they will know who I am and will start harassing me again. When I first went to uni, while I was still Christian, I joined a church called ‘The Christian Club’, and he was running it. We had dinner and Bible study at his house, but things seemed really weird, even back then. When we were reading Bible passages, everyone would chant out certain words, saying ‘amen’ like nearly every sentence. Everyone seemed super friendly, artificially so, and they always talked up their leader like he was extra special. Yeah it felt like a cult to me. At the end of the service, he asked me how it went, I said “it was alright I guess”.
My big mistake.
After that, he would constantly ring or text me EVERY week asking if I’d like to come along. Even though I came up with excuses, he still persisted. To make things extra awkward, I would often bump into him at my uni because he would wonder around trying to recruit new people. Looking back, I wish there was a way uni could ban people like this guy from doing this. I mean, he doesn’t even go to uni himself. The problem is, this guy is super friendly, so it’s really hard to give a straight ‘no’ to him. Eventually I told him (on the phone) straight up that I’m not interested in going to his church anymore, he said “OK, bye bye” and that was it.
Except it wasn’t!
At the start of each new semester he would hang around the uni, so he would go OUT OF HIS WAY to come see me each time. Somehow, by pure luck, I didn’t end up seeing him again for a couple of years. But then he moved house, and I walked past his house each time to go to uni. He invited me over for a cup of tea, which I accepted because he seemed so generous, but then I had to pull back again when I realised what he was REALLY trying to do.
Eventually I moved towns, so when he rung me up I had a good excuse for him to not bother me. The trick was, I later moved back into his town again, but didn’t tell him. Ha yeah it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess what happened next. He bumped into me at a supermarket, and at the uni, wanting to catch up with me. Now when he sees me I just keep walking in whatever direction I’m planning to go, usually faster, and pretending to be busy. For the record it has been more than 10 years since I originally saw him and he still wants to see me sometimes. Damn…
Now some of you reading this might wonder why I am acting like this to such a friendly person. Firstly, he’s not JUST wanting me to be his friend, he is hoping I will go to his strange church. Unfortunately for him I have no interest in doing this. Secondly, he won’t take no for an answer. I am pretty sure that nothing short of “fuck off, I am an atheist now” will make him go away. I don’t want to be rough but certain situations call for it…
Anyways that’s an interesting story I thought I’d share with you all.
– The Covert Atheist.